It Is Not Always Easy

Hello beautiful people!

It is time to be really real with y'all. Not that I wasn't being real with you in the previous blogs but this blog is going to be another kind of real. I don't like to talk about this side of my reality because then I feel like people will see me differently and maybe even see me as "weak" or "weaker" but I feel like it is important for me to talk about.

Individuals with disabilities don't receive enough credit in society. We have to deal with a lot of shit and we don't get acknowledge for it. In my opinion, we are the least represented minority group. That means that about 48.9 million people in America are underrepresented and not given the proper rights. We need allies. We need you to help us fight for our human rights because living with a disability shouldn't determine how we get treated or what resources are available to us. We are tired of advocating the same things and not being heard, we just get push to the side with a "sorry". It really makes me disgusted about how it is about to be 2020 and yet people still don't know how to act around individuals with disabilities. Can someone please explain to me? Because I really don't understand what makes people view individuals with disabilities as different. Is it really because of the wheelchair? Their voice? The way they move their bodies? Because that is just simple ridiculous.

Some individuals with disabilities, get severely depressed and some able-bodied people mistake that for weakness because they can't fathom the fact that they did this to them. I can only speak for myself on this, I can only hold in so much. There's only so many remarks, so many stupid incidents, and so many interactions with uneducated people that I can take before I start to believe them. When I start to believe them, I become this negative person which I cannot stand. I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to have a healthy lifestyle, and I go on social media just to feel bad about myself. That's fucked up right? I totally agree. I pride myself on being a positive, goal-getter, love yourself, happy, badass type of a lady and I don't believe I'm anything less when I'm having my "moments" because I know what I have to do to make myself get back on my feet even though, I know that it is going to be hard but I'm not about to let society win. But the thing is that I (we, the disabled community) shouldn't have to go through our "moments" because of ableism*.

The other day, I went to an technology appointment. This appointment was to help me find better ways to communicate with people due to my speech impairment. When they asked me if I wanted to try a communication device *again*, I immediately shot down the suggestion. The reason why is because I know how people are, as soon as the see this communication device, they will think that I'm low functioning or can't talk at all, and will treat me accordingly. I worked too hard on myself to have to deal with all of that again. But that is sad right? That I chose not to have a device and go with the alternative because I don't want to deal with people's stares or unneeded remarks. I have to think about how people with treat me seriously and sadly it is with less equipment. I'm lucky that I have alternative options to help me but other individuals with disabilities don't. People need to accept that our voices don't always come out from our mouth, sometimes it comes out through a device and it doesn't mean it is any less.

Another thing that bothers me is when able-bodied people claim that I can do something, when I know I can't or at least not at the moment. Like b*tchhh, have you been disabled? No? Okay then you can't tell me what my body is capable of. My favorite "claim" is that "I know how to walk, I'm just too lazy or scared to", like honey I know I can walk but I have this thing called Cerebral Palsy and it causes involuntary movements, so of course I'm scared because I don't want to fall and break a bone. Tell me something I don't know about myself, I dare you. I don't know why some people do this, I know they mean well but they just shouldn't say anything of the sort. When they do, it makes us feel sad that we actually can't do whatever they are saying that we can do and then we start to doubt ourselves and our strengths.

Although I have a lot more, I'm just going to say one more thing that bothers me. My fiance is not my angel. My friends are not my angels. My family are not my angels. I am not an angel to anyone. The only angel I have is my dad who is in heaven. I'm not denying that I am incredibly blessed to have cross paths with a man who accepts all of me and loves me wholeheartedly. But at the same time, I know what I bring to the table and I know how amazing I am to know that he "picked" me because of how I carry myself, not because he felt inclined to be with me because of my disability. My fiance doesn't like to praised and I don't like it either because I'm not less than the next girl. Next, I don't make my friends stay friends with me, they can leave whenever they want to. I don't know why some people think that my disability makes people want to be friends with me- that's so weird to me. I have friends because of who I am and nothing else. If you find my friends helping me, it's because they are nice, decent human beings, that's all. Finally, family, the way I grew up, will always have your back no matter what. And it as simple as that. People don't need to be angels to be nice human beings.

As the holidays come and the new year arrives, my biggest wish for society is that we are more understanding of one another. Just because a person doesn't "look" like you, doesn't mean that they are so different from you. If you see something that is unjust towards the disabled community, please speak up because we need your help.

*Ableism is a set of beliefs or practices that devalue and discriminate against people with physical, intellectual, or psychiatric disabilities and often rests on the assumption that disabled people need to be ‘fixed’ in one form or the other. Source: http://cdrnys.org/blog/uncategorized/ableism/

We need to fight again, it's long overdue.