Hun, Don't Settle.

Hello Beautiful People!

I know it is easier said than done, but pretty please don't settle - for anything. Not that job, not that college, not that friend, not that family member, and especially not that guy. It is in my experience that I have heard people make excuses or exceptions for the actions of others, please stop. By doing this, you are belittling yourself and your worth. I'm talking about this because I have been there. I have relied on others to define my worth and that was the moment in my life where I felt the worst about myself. I'm going to focus this blog about not settling for anyone but men/women in particular because I feel like many people struggle with this, at least sometime in their life.

Before I met my prince charming, I was introduced to many frogs. Now looking back and thinking about those frogs, I had no idea what I was thinking. I'm pretty sure I wasn't thinking, I was more looking for someone to "accept me" and "love me" because if they could then maybe finally I could too. I had a few crushes growing up, just like any other girl. I always dreamed about them liking me back but it never happened, it just happened to my friends not me. So when the first guy took at least a little bit of interest, I latched on for dear life because I couldn't imagined the possibility of another guy taking interest in me. Sadly, he obviously took controlled over me. If he got mad, I immediately started to apologize even if it wasn't my fault. If he was ignoring me, I automatically thought that I was being annoying. Basically, I was willing to do anything, just to keep him. Whatever we were, only lasted a month. He twisted my words to make it seem like I was the "bad guy" and then he vanished, just like that. Never heard from him since, even after I tried texting him "apologizing", nothing. Imagine how that left me. I was a mess. I thought that there was something wrong with me or if I wasn't so persistent that he may have still "wanted" me. Only one positive thing came out from that situation, I promised myself that I wouldn't let a man treat me that type of way again. My mama taught me better than this. I didn't want to be known as a girl who could be push around and be so easy. Nah, I wasn't going to chase any man ever again.

With time, another guy came along and he was very sweet. He gave me what I needed at the time but by the end I knew he wasn't for me and we went our separate ways. I even surprised myself because I never thought a guy would be interested in me, yet alone I would turn him down. Time went on and I dated here and there. During this dating era, I realized that I wasn't so bad but these men were just not for me. And that is when I started to realize my worth and started to learned how to love myself completely. It took a whole lot of time because it took for 5 years to get out from an unhealthy relationship (that story is for another time) to realize what I deserved but I finally got there. I realized that I needed to be happy for myself first. I needed to learn what I wanted/needed in a partner, not who I needed to be to make my partner happy. I needed to find worth in myself and not in a man because no one can define me, except myself. Don't get me wrong, it was really difficult because I knew what I needed to do but I was still a young girl and wanted a boyfriend, someone who gave me affection and love but I knew it was going to be harder for me to find love because of my disability (gosh, was I stupid to think that). But, once I began on totally focusing on myself, I forgot about the men, haha. I was living it up and having fun. I was focusing on college on the weekdays and letting loose on the weekends. I was getting to know myself on a whole another level, I was living alone and handling responsibilities alone for the first time, life was good.

I decided to go back to the dating scene but I truly wasn't about these men, who were still childish as well. Yeah, they were fun but immature as hell. I remember this one guy telling me how he couldn't imagine a life with me because I was disabled, I honestly just burst out LAUGHING and said that I don't see him like that at all and that I was just around for a good time. I wasn't really phase by his statement. A month later, he reached out again, looking for a relationship BOY BYE. But of course, as soon as I was about to leave the dating scene, my prince charming comes. At the moment, of course I was skeptical because even though I loved myself and knew whatever were to happen I was going to be okay, nobody likes to get hurt. Now thinking back I feel kind of bad but not really for my fiancé, because right from the start, I laid it all down hard. Some females don't like to do that because it is too upfront but I was done 'beating around the bush'. I told him everything about my disability, what I expect from a man, and my goals in life, and after I told him you are free to go if you want, but he didn't leave and hasn't regretted his decision since he did put a ring on my finger. As you can tell, I like to be upfront and straight to the point, I'm not here for games.

Here's the thing, I know that I am a lot to handle for some people and that's okay. If I'm not your type, then it is what it is but I learned that it isn't my fault. I'm loud, enthusiastic, sometimes too emotional, a talker, a crier, an overthinker, and sometimes I get mad over stupid things but it is who I am and I'm not sorry because aside from my imperfections, I do come with many perfections. I am the only one who should know my worth, people can talk all they want but once I realized I was priceless, my life started being more positive and I was kinder to myself. I found my value as a person and as a woman when I became aware of my worth.

I feel incredibly blessed to have found the person who has accepted every inch of me and loves me the same on my good days and bad days in my early 20s. I'm grateful that I have mature as such a young age, I didn't want to but I had to. But I'm also so grateful that I didn't settle for one of those frogs, I could have but I would still be probably thinking that love sucks, without me knowing that my prince charming was out there, waiting to make our fairytale happen. So please don't settle for anything, until you are completely happy because money, materialistic things, and all the other shit, don't mean nothing if your true happiness doesn't exist. A good life, is a happy one. And please be kinder to yourself.

"You're worthy of being choosen, fought for, and loved. Remember that."

Thank you for reading!

Leave any comments or questions or any topics you would want me to write about, down below or on my Facebook page!

XO Ashley