Disabled But Not Really...

Hello Beautiful People!

I am among the lucky ones, but still remain not "lucky" enough. My life is weird. My life can be compared to an average person my age, and there would be a lot of similarities. My life can be contrasted to an average person my age, and there would be many differences also. I certainly believe this is due to how I was raised and how I personally perceive my environment.

There have been times where I honestly forget I'm disabled because in my head I don't think of myself as disabled, I just think of myself as me because I'm so used to being disabled that it is not a "problem" for me anymore, it is just daily life. My friends and family sometimes forget too. I remember the time when my fiancé forgot, it was in the beginning of our relationship, we were going on a date and he wanted to pick me up from the train station and he innocently insisted in picking me up but I had to "remind" him that I had a wheelchair and he didn't have an accessible car. I love that moment because it showed me that he didn't see as a girl in a wheelchair, he just saw me.

I'm very blessed to have grown up with a mom who took me to all the possible physical therapies and I'm even more blessed that my body responded so well to them (that's the important part). Without those therapies, well the doctors might have been right. Maybe I would have been bed ridden, have a feeding tube, never have went to school, never have made friends, never have gone on adventures, and never have found true love. I will never know because I obviously have done all those things and more. Which is why maybe I feel a little bit of guilt/awkwardness when most of the time I forget I'm disabled but then, I see a fellow individual with a disability and it hits me like "oh I am like them". I'm not saying that I feel ashamed of my disability for having that reality check, nor am I saying I feel pity for individuals with disabilities. Individuals with disabilities are badass and some do amazing things that I only wish I can do. What I'm saying is when those reality checks hit me, I need to be aware of who I am and what I stand can for. I realized along my nearly-fresh journey of becoming good friends with individuals with disabilities, that it is okay to embrace and show off your strengths, whether that is standing up or being able to text and drive your wheelchair at the same time, because others will be happy for you and they will show off their strengths too. It doesn't matter if a disability is mild or severe, it is still a disability.

To be honest, it has only been three to five years since I have FULLY emerged myself into the disabled community. I was scared of fully committing to the label of being in the disabled community because that to me was me saying I was disabled along with all the societal misconceptions about being disabled. I thought I was giving in and letting society win. Of course, I was wrong and now I couldn't be more proud of be a part of the disabled community. It is so special to be a part of a community where we all are so different but we are connected by our determination to change people's ideology about disabilities and live a fulfilling life just like everyone else.

The other day, on one of my Instagram post, I received a comment saying that I was so full of life and so positive that they were a little taken aback when I referred to myself as disabled in my bio and that I should considered myself as "differently abled". Which I can totally understand from their point of view. But first of all, that is ableism but that is besides the point but still an important point. Secondly, the way I replied to the comment, showed me how much I am growing as a person and made me really proud but also I'm glad I was abled to speak up for the disabled community. Being disabled is part of my identity and I'm not ashamed. Society has made disabled into a bad word, which in return only heighten ableism and euphemism such as "disabled is only a bad attitude" and the like. The word disabled is not an insult to me but rather a compliment. I'm trying to take our (disabled community) word back and show people that yes I'm in fact disabled but I'm doing everything you do still in hopes of making people more accepting of the world and individuals with disabilities.

I am grateful that I have accepted myself fully. I'm very grateful that if I don't have a caregiver that I can survive the day on my own. I'm blessed to be able to stand up and grab something from the higher shelves at the store. I'm thankful to be strong to help fellow individuals with disabilities and able-bodied individuals. I'm thankful to have amazing memories with my loved ones. So yes, I'm disabled but not really. Not really because I'll not let my disability define me. Not really because I and the disabled community are just like you, we just do things in a different way or may need to do extra steps to get to the same destination. We want equality because not only are we still humans and have the same human desires but because we deserve it and we are worthy.

Not denying that I'm disabled because I am 100%, but my wheelchair nor my disability define me.

Thank you for reading!!

Feel free to leave questions and comments down below or on my Facebook page! And if you want me to talk about specific let me know too!

XO Ashley