Change Is Not Always A Bad Thing

Hello my beautiful people!

The other day I was scrolling on Pinterest, wasting time lol, when I came across this statement below. I have seen it once or twice before but I didn't really pay much attention to it. This time when I read it, something connected in my brain and said, "Oh yeah! That makes sense!". Take the time to read it and see if you can connect to it in anyway, it doesn't have to connect to a romantic relationship, it can be about any relationship.

I was 19 when I met my fiancé. Yep, only 19. I was in college and still trying to figure my life out. I admit I was young but because of my past I was more mature then most of the people my age. My fiancé is a couple of years older than me but still in his early 20s and still trying to figure life out.

I kid you not, our first date was exactly how I dreamed of when I thought about my first date with Mr. Right. He said all the right things, he did all the right things, he opened up to me, I opened up to him, we held hands through the city lights- ugh it was perfect. The following days, weeks, months were perfect too, we missed each other so much that each time we finally met up again, we didn't want to let each other go. I was in a dream. He was/is my prince charming. At this time, we were two hours away from each other because I was going to college at ISU for my first two years. As the time went by, I started to realize that I wanted to move and go to college in the city. I was changing. He decided to start a different job. He was changing. We weren't sleeping at 2am texting each other sweet things anymore because our lives were changing for the better. We needed to get it together for ourselves and our relationship. I transferred to Loyola, and needed space to find myself again and adapt to my new environment. At Loyola, my fiancé only lived 10 minutes away but worked all day and I needed to make new friends. Change. We still texted all day, when I was in class and he was working. Then my college work kicked in and I put everything on the backburner. He understood that my academics was a priority for me. When I started to make friends and was getting invited to go out. He understood that these were my college years and I am the type of girl who wants to experience everything. He trusted me. The first time he told me that he wasn't going to visit me in my dorm after work because he was going to hangout with his friends, I was butt hurt but then he justified it by saying babe we're not two hours away anymore, we can see each other whenever we want. He was right. We still missed each other a lot though and talked about how nice it would be to lived together.

When we moved in together (the following year), we needed to figure out each other completely. We were not young anymore. The honeymoon phrase was officially over. We took the time to see what made us pissed off and what made us happy sharing a home. I fell asleep with him and woke with him by my side. It was and still very nice to tell him good morning when I haven't even completely open my eyes yet and sweet dreams when I'm so sleepy that I can barely say "I love you" dosing off. But the texting all day, decreased a lot because when we got home we had nothing significant to say if we already texted it during the day. No more late sweet texts, no more surprise visits, no more "can't wait to see what you are wearing on our date", no more counting down the days until I see him next because of our crazy schedules, no more "I wish you were here" texts. Now we were figuring out how to love each other while sharing a household. Our honeymoon phrase might be over, but our love is growing everyday.

Now it's the "I'm on my way home", "don't worry I'll fix it when I get home", "babe, where is the ___? I can't find it in the drawer", "I know I just left for work but I miss you" texts that make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. We share a home, matter of fact we share a warm, cozy, beautiful, inviting, comfortable, safe home. We, him and I. And he comes home to me every night. If you really think about it, what else do I want? Really. My man choses to come home to me and deal with me after a long day at work. I chose to wait for him to get off of work rather than to go to sleep because I want to hear about his day and make him laugh if I can. We don't get the anxious feeling awaiting our next date, but we do get excited about planning our next vacation. I don't text him saying I can't wait for him to see what I'm wearing, instead I sometimes ask him to pick for me and I pick for him, if we don't like what we see, we make fun of each other and change into another outfit. The BEST part about dating while living together is that I get to go home with my man afterwards. No more tears shed on the train ride back home and no more sad hugs goodbye. I get to get into bed, turn on the TV, and snuggle with the man of my dreams. I get to text him while he's at work and ask him to stop and buy milk at the store, you know how nice that is? We get to sit in our living room after a long day and drink wine while watching our favorite TV show. I would take that over late night sweet texts, texting all day, and saying "I wish you were here" five hundred times, anytime.

But it's not all rainbows and unicorns because well this is real life. We fight and get annoyed with each other more easily than before. He tries to be funny at 2am while I'm so sleepy. I try to have deep conversations when he is right about to dose off into a deep sleep. But the thing is that we know we are not perfect but we do know that we are perfect for each other. I remember having the worst day ever and on top of that my fiancé and I were having a disagreement that then turn into a fight, and he said something "smart" to me and in that moment, the same guy I said yes to spending the rest of my life with because I couldn't imagine life without, I absolutely, from deep within my soul, truly hated. I never thought it was possible for me to feel like this. I was furious and I automatically thought that the man I went on our first date with wouldn't have said this. I was confused. But like I said earlier, I realized that we weren't the same people. I realized he said what he said was because he thought I was able to interpret it not so seriously because throughout the years, I became more outspoken. I may have overreacted a bit but the way we fixed it and talked about it, only made me love him 100x more. And trust me, it's a two way street, I have said/done some things that I'm not proud of but we fix it because we are worth it to each other. He doesn't tell me that he can't live without me like he used to say in text all the time, instead he shows me. He doesn't tell me that I'm his priority or that he will do anything to make me happy, instead he shows me that I'm his priority and my happiness matters to him by him being there whenever I need him and by randomly surprising me with Starbucks coffee or flowers. We don't do the same things we did 3 years ago because we are not the same persons. And whenever we do say these random sweet things to each other, it matters more to me and has more of an impact on my heart because the weight of the words becomes more valuable.

I have learned how to be my own person and love myself completely all while trying to be successful in college. He learned what he really wanted for his life career wise and now is more successful than when we met. To put it simple, we now know what we want and we don't have time for games. I have changed a lot over these three years as did he, the wonderful thing is that we were there for each other during the transitions we had to make within ourselves. We figure out new ways to love each other to fit our moments in life. We didn't get frustrate because we are willing to try to understand each other. Now don't get me wrong, if your person is not opening the doors or treating you how you liked to be treated like did before, then yeah that's totally NOT okay because they changed for the worst for you. I'm talking about changing for the better and being okay with adapting to the change. I believe so many relationships fail because they are scared of change. When the honeymoon phase is over and they don't know how to deal with reality, that is when sometimes 'shit hits the fan' and people don't know what they want anymore. I believe that when a couple goes through a hard time completely together and they still come out on the other side more in love, then that's when you know you have something special. It's all about growing together, accepting the changes and loving the outcome.

I don't claim to know everything, I hardly know anything, and I know many relationships are way different than mine. I also know that my relationship is not nearly finish growing. But I do know that I changed, we changed a lot since day one and I love him more than ever. So change is good. I hear people say, "he/she doesn't do this anymore" and I can relate because I said that too, until I stopped and actually taught about what I do for him and what he does for me. The love and kindness is still there but in another way. It did take me a minute to realize it but then I also realized I changed the way I love him because I wasn't the same person. At the end of the day, it's about communication, appreciation, understanding, kindness, and most importantly love. Thanks for reading!

If you have any questions or comments, write them down below or on my fb page!

XO Ashley