Being In A Healthy Interabled Relationship

Hello Beautiful People!

So, as you may know, I have Cerebral Palsy. I need assistance with dressing, feeding, showering, and day-to-day tasks. I do life in a completely different way as an able-bodied individual. My fiancé is an able-bodied individual and does life just like any able-bodied individual.

YET, our relationship is as "normal" as society defines "normal" to be.

Yes, I am different. I provide in a different, unique way for my relationship but I still provide. I am no less than the "normal able-bodied woman" and I'm just lucky that my fiancé was able to see through all the societal and cultural bullshit, and see who I really was, just a girl who did life in different way and wasn't afraid of that.

Of course, in the beginning we were nervous. We knew that we liked each other and had feelings for each other, but we didn't know if those feelings were strong enough to fight through our critics. We each had to decide if this was really what we wanted. My fiancé, had to decide if he was ready to commit to all the stares, ignorant people's comments, besides being in an interabled relationship also having to commit to being in an intercultural relationship as well, and the fact that I wouldn't be able to provide as a able-bodied woman ever and had to let go of that idea forever. I had to decide if I was ready to explore this connection with a man that didn't know my culture, wasn't really educated on individuals with disabilities, and possibly could use me and break my heart. But our love from the beginning was so fucking strong, that we both had to step back a couple of times, and asked each other if we were going too fast or if we are on the same page and each time we just stated that everything that we did- just felt right. As the months went by, I started to notice why I wanted to keep him in my life and visa versa. We just complimented each other so well, even through we had completely different lifestyles. He was living a bachelor's life and I was just starting my sophomore year of college.

As the months went by, and we started to get more "public". People started talking like they do. They expressed concerns for me and him. They wanted to make sure I was safe. Safe because like I said, society doesn't fully understand that interabled relationship, can be real and authentic, which I understand, but those concerns can be offensive to me and my partner if not asked correctly. They wanted to make sure that my fiancé didn't want a "traditional" woman and was okay with his decision.

There is also misconception that an interabled relationship consists of one indivdiual is a caregiver, and this is simply NOT TRUE. People tend to be living in their own little close-minded world because my romantic relationship is THRIVING. Everyday my fiancé reminds me how amazing, strong, intelligent, and beautiful I am. He also helps me with feeding, dressing, and accessing the bathroom. The wheelchair doesn't faze him, he says it doesn't define who I am. I help him by being emotionally and mentally supportive, picking out outfits for him lol, nourishing his self-esteem, motivating him, and giving the best cuddles. Like in any romantic relationship you have to give before you can take, and I'm so unbelievably blessed that I found someone who gives wholeheartedly and takes selflessly. Grateful for my man that loves me for all that I am. Before I met the of my love of my life, I knew I was missing some kind of magic and it was until I found him that I knew what life was really about. Being together for almost three years and living together for almost one year has been the greatest adventure for both of us. There are so many interabled romantic relationships like ours that are just living their best lives with their love of their lives without the disabled individual feeling like a burden.

When my fiancé proposed to me, man, that was my favorite "fuck you" to everyone who didn't believe our love was possible. I have never been so certain of something in my life. It is no secret that he adds joy and adventure into my life. He adds that special sparkle that no one else can give me.

What I love the most is our adventures. Going to new places, getting to be able to cross off things off of our bucket lists together, going to new restaurants, new bars, going to hang out in the park, or just simply holding hands while walking in the city, it is something I really thought I was not going to have in my life because I was different and majority of men don't want my type of different. When I'm with my fiancé, I just feel myself. I'm not subconscious about my disability. I don't care anymore how messy I get when I'm eating and for the first time I don't feel like burden when I ask him for help because well he decided on his free-will to stay.

But just like any other romantic relationship, not everything is sunshine and rainbows. We do fight from time to time (thank God he is not a yeller, but I am hehe). We get annoyed with each other. He knows how to push my buttons and I know how to drive him crazy. But none of our little and short disagreements has ever been about my disability, if they were that were be a huge red flag for both of us. We make up in a healthy way just like any other healthy couple would. I like to say that, this was one of my first relationships in my life that from the beginning I was honest with myself, honest with him, and didn't settled for anything else than what I believe I deserved. I'm so proud of myself for that because I was embracing my disability fully and I was confident that I could give love because I loved myself.

There have been times where people have praised my fiancé for being with me, like as if he was an angel sent from heaven. And we, yes HIM too, get so frustrated with this because he not a saint for being with a disabled girl. He is just a guy who thought I was cute or something lol and was interested in pursuing something with me. For me, it can be insulting when people inadequately praise him because I know my worth and what I am capable of. I know that I am a beautiful, sexy, very educated with a heart of gold type of girl, and for the first time in pursuing a love interest, I didn't feel the need to throw myself onto him, I just was like here I am, love me or not and for that he doesn't get to be praised. Nonetheless, I do praise my man a lot because he is a true gentleman, he loves me so well, and he is so patient with me.

So every time that I'm dancing in the club with my man or holding hands over a restaurant's table and people stare, I just smile. Smile because I'm so blessed to be with a man who loves me endlessly and when he looks at me, he sees me first and then my disability and that to me is priceless and so pure. And I hope that everyone finds this special person for them.

When my handsome man proposed to me!

LOVE KNOWS NO BROADERS BECAUSE LOVE IS LOVE <3

Feel free to leave questions and comments down below or on my Facebook page! And if you want me to talk about specific let me know too!

Thanks for reading!

XO Ashley